by Rachel Smith
29 November 2013
I’ve been dreading writing this blog post, because after being so full of enthusiasm about my foray into NaNoWriMo just a few short weeks ago, I now have to admit that I have spectacularly failed at it.
The professional success and failure tally I keep in my head evens out most of the time, so this hasn’t toppled me, but it is annoying. These past few days, I’ve been plagued by the particularly irksome question of whether I tried hard enough, or gave up too soon.
Truth is, I got to around 8000 words, but it was torture. I had stacks of other work on my desk – and after an epic slow patch that seemed to last for half the year, I was itching to get on with my commissions and get paid. The more I let my novel drop to work on paid stuff, the more paid stuff came in.
Finally, I decided I had two choices: a) keep on with a novel when my heart was increasingly not in it or b) pay my bills, do all the paid work flowing through the door and get back into a flow of regular income. The latter of course won, as it has to when you’re a freelancer who’s endured sporadic earnings of late.
What was interesting during NaNoWriMo though wasn’t so much that I struggled with the premise of my story (I chose to write about something personal and close to me that’s kind of ongoing, and maybe that’s where I went wrong). It was all the incessant ideas which kept popping into my head for other books. All of them were non-fiction, and pretty much every one of them fired me up way more than my novel did.
Maybe I’m not a fiction writer. Maybe I’ll never be one. Maybe non-fiction is my thing.
The other thing this experience has reinforced to me is that failure is par of the course in a creative field. It’s not the first thing I’ve failed at, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But, maybe I could beat myself up less, or not have such huge expectations of how things should be in my life (personally or professionally). Rather, just let things be. Unfold as they should. Sounds like a good resolution for my list this January.
How do you deal with failure? Do you wallow for a time, or bounce back quickly and move onto the next thing?
It’s not a failure: 8000 words is a START. Long-form writing is a bit of a grind most of the time – you have to build your work a brick at a time. At 90,000 words, I’m finally reaching the end of my YA novel and the writing pace is accelerating, but it’s taken me eight years to get to this point.
Jonathan – you’re absolutely right, it is 8000 words I wouldn’t have otherwise written. I love that analogy about a brick at a time. As a feature writer I’m used to doing stuff and filing it and moving onto the next thing so clearly it’s a different mindset. Good for you on your YA novel and the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good on you, Rachel, for having a go at NaNoWriMo – and then being brave enough to admit defeat. I struggle to write in my diary most days! No, I just plain forget…
I find writing for pleasure (or catharsis!) is far easier to let slide than paid work. And I don’t always take failure too well. It can hit us sensitive, creative types hard! I’m an expert at beating myself up, but I do it less these days, so, I’m obviously learning new, better habits.
I’m a master of the personal beat-up session too Virginia… must work on that in 2014. Along with the journal thing, I would love to do that daily but it just doesn’t happen!
I’m with Jonathon – is it really a failure? I like to see my failures as lessons, yep, something may not have worked out (for whatever reason) but I’ve usually walked away with some kind of valuable knowledge as a result. Knowledge I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t tried to do whatever it was in the first place. It’s an accomplishment because you started (and tried) and a lesson because you’ve learned maybe it’s not for you (or there’s another way to do it) – either way, good on you for giving it a bash!
Thanks Shauna, I’ve heard from other NaNoWriMo people that it took them a few tries over a few years before they got to the end, but I think you’re right – I learned a lesson that the books I want to write right now (and if I have time, which I really don’t right now) are non-fiction and it’s good that the process kind of crystallised all that for me.
Rachel – me also 🙂 for pretty much the same reason! Got to 5,500 words and then looked at work which would pay pile growing, and realised I could not do without sleep for all of November to do both. I just can’t. So I didn’t. I’m going to do SloMoWriMo (Slow Month? I’ll Write More)instead. And have all my bills paid for Christmas, which really, is what every writer novelist or not hopes for.
Ooh I love SloMoWriMo. Classic idea! You should start a rival website 😉
I agree, much less stress having $$$ coming in and a bit more sleep. I feel okay about failing on this one.
“It’s easier to try than prove it can’t be done,” went a 1980s song whose name presently escapes me. The only true failure is wanting to do something and having the chance to do it, but never even trying. You gave it a go and while Plan A fell down, sounds like it helped you generate loads of ideas you could run with later for a great Plan B.
Ditto! I made it to 11,000-odd precious words and just could not turn away any more work without resenting my novel. So you failed at NaNoWriMo but succeeded at being a freelancer…? I know which one I’d choose.